When I was a kid, Adam West and Burt Ward were the first super-heroes I remember following on TV. Less wooden than the Super-Friends, beset by better villains than Marvel’s 1970s live-action TV offerings, and a few years ahead of Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends, syndicated reruns of the 1966-1968 Batman TV show were a staple of my afternoon viewing.

When I was a teenager, that same show was my mortal enemy. In my mind, West and Ward were the reason no one took comic books seriously. Their stilted earnestness, their cheesy opponents, those cameras tilted as if they were filming on a wildly rocking yacht, those silly fight scenes that made Captain Kirk look like Bruce Lee…ugh. The show’s widespread popularity with the general viewing public distorted its opinion of super-heroes and prevented them from being treated as Serious Literature. Between Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns and Tim Burton’s dark, madcap reboot, that problem eventually sorted itself. In a way. Sort of. At the very least, they opened a dialog that taught the uninformed masses that Batman hadn’t looked or acted like Adam West for a very long time. As of 1989, I deemed this good.

Now that I’m over twice that age and a little more difficult to entertain, the DC Universe has become a frequent antagonist. I didn’t need the September 2011 “New 52″ reboot that tossed out the timeline previously in place since 1986 (plus numerous course corrections, major and minor). I’m a little weary of the trend to keep pushing mainstream super-heroes closer and closer toward R-rated “edginess”. I’m no longer interested in following major-event crossovers that require me to triple my comics budget for months at a time. I wish Our Heroes were still allowed to have a sense of humor. And I miss the days when super-heroes were happy in their work at least a few times per year. If one of them should be caught having something resembling fun, surely this would signal the comics endtimes and DC would have to reboot their entire publishing line again.

I’m not sure when I turned into that old man. Oh, wait, yes I am — it was that halcyon era when I sampled over twenty of the New 52 launch titles, hoped for the best, then spent these last two years rejecting them one by one. At this point I’m collecting only three DC Universe books, and two of those are ending soon. Congrats to Charles Soule and Kano, whose refreshing take on Swamp Thing will be my sole monthly DCU contact point come September.

Wait!

What’s this?

A new Batman title not set in the DC Universe? Guaranteed crossover-proof? Not one single scene composed like a Saw homage? And it dares to be funny? Can this be?

Behold the comic that should not exist: Batman ’66. From the mind of writer Jeff Parker (purveyor of whimsy in past works such as Agents of Atlas and the criminally underrated Marvel Adventures Spider-Man) and the pop-art styling of Jonathan Case (whom I last saw drawing The Guild) comes DC Comics’ very first intentional continuation of the Adam West/Burt Ward incarnation of the Dynamic Duo, in all-new stories teeming with classic heroic action and covered in eye-gouging Ben-Day dots. All the elements my stuffy teenage self would’ve hated are here:

* The classic costumes, complete with Robin’s tiny green shorts and Batman’s eyebrows on his mask!
* Batman’s stern, off-topic lectures to Robin! (I can even hear the voices of West and Ward in my head!)
* The special guest villains! (The Riddler and Catwoman were both executed in respectively solid shades of Gorshin and Newmar.)
* The iconic sound effects!
* Amazing Bat-gadgets! (Prepare to be dazzled by the Bat-3-Dimensional Modeler! Oooh, futuristic.)
* The running gag in which Batman and Robin Bat-walk up a wall, and someone famous opens a window for a cameo!
* Robin beginning his sentences with “Gosh!”

To be fair, a few parts are disconcerting. Since Parker and Case aren’t constrained by a 1960s TV budget, it’s weird imagining West and Gorshin performing death-defying aerial stunts atop a biplane that would be expensive to film and probably kill them both in the process. Alfred seems sprier than any previous version ever, and Aunt Harriet is 100% off-model. (I’m guessing legal issues?)

Overall, though, Batman ’66 seems just the cure for my too-old-for-the-new-DC blues. My teenage self would throw a tantrum if he caught me enjoying this, but he needs to understand that super-heroes and I are in very different places now, compared to where we were three decades ago. I have other sources to fulfill my Serious Literature needs. I’m secure enough in my hobby that I no longer consider this version of Batman a base effrontery to my reading preferences. Given that DC is publishing nothing else like it at the moment, its unique audacity stands out from an otherwise sullen, monotonous crowd.

Ironically, the Batman ’66 nostalgia-fest is one of DC’s online-first titles, available in the comics equivalent of an ebook format through ComiXology or at DC’s own online store. For fussy paper collectors like me, DC is also releasing hard-copy versions to comic shops everywhere after the fact. The first issue, which collects the first three digital installments, has been in stores since July 17th. Be sure to tell all your really old friends and acquaintances so we can band together and make this an astounding bestseller.

(Wouldn’t it be fun to see the looks on the faces of DC Editorial if this began outselling New 52 titles? I can dream.)

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover, we began sharing cosplay pics from Wizard World Chicago 2013, albeit limited to subjects we ran across on Saturday, August 10th, because current family events negated sticking around for any additional days.

One of the more unusual Marvel options: Steampunk Iron Man! And possibly his assistant, Victorian Pepper Potts or Bethany Cabe.

The mighty Thor has no use for standing in our puny mortal lines.

Black Widow commands the spotlight in this excerpt from the upcoming children’s classic, Where’s Joker?

We saw quite a few Deadpools at the con (none of them quite as off-kilter as this one), but only one Lara Croft with sensible archaeologist hat.

Ant-Man, soon to star in his own major motion picture star. Behind him, a blurry Silk Spectre misses out on the limelight.

A true rarity these days: a Marvel/DC crossover! Odin willingly grants an audience to Loki (slightly transformed yet again), Poison Ivy, and Harley Quinn (forgoing makeup in order to appear more trustworthy), little suspecting the fiendish plans they have in store for him.

Marvel/DC villains united! Or arguably antiheroes! Whatever! Beware the wrath of Atrocitus, animated Catwoman, Red Lantern Mera from Blackest Night, and Marvel’s Executioner.

A more traditional Harley Quinn betrays her puddin’ and hangs out with a new beau on the side. Because he’s Batman.

Green Arrow accompanied by a more recent version of his sidekick Speedy, who’s been wiped from existence thanks to the New 52.

Robert Louis Stevenson totally missed out by never writing a story called The Strange Case of Doctor Who and Mr. Freeze.

Possibly the world’s only DC/Disney/Star Wars crossover: Academy Award Winner Marlon Brando IS Jor-El of Krypton, accompanied by his new consultants Cruella de Vil and Hanna Solo.

Fans of the Star Wars Expanded Universe can rejoice in being represented at WWC by Darth Revan.

At last, a Stormtrooper who’s found the drug he’s looking for.

I’m not sure whether to title this one “The Residents Go to Alderaan”, “Daft Punk on a Double Date”, or “OPPAN EMPIRE STYLE”.

To be concluded! In the next chapter: actors and other things that aren’t costumes.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover, we spent Part One and Part Two sharing nothing but costume pics my wife and I snapped at this year’s Wizard World Chicago comics-’n'-entertainment convention. In the miniseries finale, we present visible proof that con have other reasons for us to attend, including but not limited to comic books. My biggest victory: after my purchases this weekend, I’m now one issue away from a complete set of reading copies of Power Man & Iron Fist. (Curse you, elusive #123!)

Also, panels can be fun. Unfortunately due to time constraints we only attended one: a Firefly Q&A with costars Alan Tudyk, Emmy nominee Morena Baccarin (Homeland), and Summer Glau (now recurring on Arrow). As one would expect, Tudyk was the chattiest and funniest; Baccarin, the most dignified, but engaging in her own right (and expecting!); and Glau, the undisputed quietest. Best moment: Tudyk reciting a line of his racist character’s dialogue from the recent 42 using the voice of his King Kandy from Wreck-It Ralph.

Hosting the panel was one Jarrett Crippen, best known as the Defuser from the reality TV series Who Wants to Be a Super-Hero? My wife and I, fans of that show’s season 2, met him at GenCon several years ago and get a kick out of seeing him work WWC. (Last year I spotted him working with Stan Lee’s security team.)

Our remaining photos divide into three neat categories:

1. Actors! We spent our first few hours wandering the autograph section, waiting in at least one line that was far longer than I would’ve preferred, seeing my wife through a few much shorter lines, and avoiding the uppermost area crowded with roughly four million Walking Dead fans waiting for a turn with Norman Reedus.

Firefly‘s Alan Tudyk prepares to sign a replica of the jersey worn by his character Steve the Pirate from Dodgeball: a True Underdog Story. We spent 90 minutes in line, a little aggravated because fans who paid double-digit prices for Firefly VIP tickets were allowed to cut in the front of the autograph line ahead of the rest of us. Nice perk if you can afford it. If you choose not to, your autograph experience may not be as exhilarating as you’d hoped.

Aaron Ashmore, formerly of Smallville, currently of Warehouse 13.

John Barrowman, who keeps starring or costarring in TV shows I don’t watch. Someday our schedules will synchronize.

Brandon Routh — former Superman, but a great villain on Chuck and in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.

Michael Rosenbaum, another alumnus from the Superman universe.

Ralph Macchio, the original Karate Kid. Unless you count DC’s Karate Kid from the Legion of Super-Heroes, who came first and is even name-checked in the Karate Kid end credits for copyright reasons. My wife didn’t ask him what he thought of Jaden Smith; instead, they discussed their opinions of Man of Steel. Go figure.

A rare candid showfloor moment: Academy Award Nominee Michael Shannon shopping for T-shirts at the SuperHeroStuff booth.

The line with the youngest fans was for James and Oliver Phelps, better known as Fred and George Weasley from the Harry Potter octalogy.

2. Artists Alley! While others sought the “hot” artists in attendance, I made a point of exploring the talent on display in Artists Alley to try a few untested things from several creators, all of whom were a sincere pleasure to meet (not one unsmiling grouch in the bunch), including but not limited to the following:

Sam Sharpe, one of two creators featured in an anthology called Viewotron. His short “Every Celebrity Ever” was the funniest story I’ve read in all my purchases so far.

JC Baez, illustrator of the Bluewater post-apocalyptic graphic novel Things to Come written by the Walter Koenig.

Steve Seeley, co-creator of Hoax Hunters, one of the few Image Comics titles that I don’t think my local comic shop carries.

Lauren Burke and Antonio Maldonado, two of the three driving forces behind P.I. Jane

From New Haven Comics, writer Josh Blasingame and writer/editor Aaron Walther, representing for the anthology Science Hero.

Yeti Press publisher RJ Casey. Of the Yeti titles I’ve sampled so far, I’m most partial to Kevin Budnik’s Our Ever Improving Living Room.

Also met but failed to bring back pics:

* Eisner Award winner Nate Powell (Swallow Me Whole)
* Kid Domino assistant editor Alan J. Porter (the forthcoming launch title Forgotten City, featuring work by writer Bryan J. L. Glass and longtime Marvel/DC pro Pat Broderick)
* April Goldenberg (Twisted Toonage)
* Mike Kingston (the wrestling comic Headlocked)

3. Best inanimate objects of show! Two items in particular stuck out to me:

HULK STATUE SMASH PUNY ORGANIC GAWKERS.

Greatest comics-related tattoo I’ve seen all year: Captain Carrot, from DC’s long-lost ’80s series Captain Carrot and His Amazing Zoo Crew, a beloved relic from my childhood. This fan had many tattoos adorning both arms (you’ll note this photo also includes a recent version of Supergirl and Cutter from Elfquest, though among others I also recognized Polar Boy and Bouncing Boy), but ol’ Cap floored me the most. Alas, no chance of him or his funny-animal compatriots returning within DC’s New 52, I’d wager.

Thanks for viewing! See you next year?

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: our weekend-long GenCon 2013 photo marathon! On a normal weekend, posting at this pace would destroy my nervous system and upset my family, but I’d rather share these with attendees as quickly as possible and then collapse for a day or two.

If you’re joining us at random some months down the road, here’s where we’re at so far:

* Part One: this year’s Costume Contest winners.
* Part Two: other Costume Contest entrants, a talented lot in their own right, trapped in a wide field in which some folks regrettably had to be chosen as not-winners.
* Part Three: the last of the not-winners. If anyone’s desperate for outtakes of themselves that weren’t already posted, we have a select few photos that appear to have been taken under earthquake conditions. If I shrink them down to 50×50, they might be useful as tiny avatars, but not for showing off to your family. (Seriously, if anyone has a desperate tiny-avatar request, I’ll be happy to add it to Part 6.)

Parts four and five will be other costumed entities we spotted roaming the Indiana Convention Center of their own free will. One of my personal favorites of this bunch: an uncanny Mr. Incredible.

Deadpool has been popping up at a lot of cons lately. He’s an acceptable change of pace from all the Captain Jack Sparrows and Heath Ledger Jokers we used to see in droves.

Sharp-eyed followers take note: this is a different Rocketeer from the Rocketeer who appeared in Part One. I saw both minus helmets — very different gents, two great minds thinking alike. I like to think Dave Stevens would’ve approved.

Roger and Jessica Rabbit, one of many happy couples enjoying the con.

Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law. Because Adult Swim will never die!

Spy vs. Spy, from ye olden days of MAD Magazine. Your parents surely remember them.

For younger readers: the Avengers! Except they’re versions you won’t see in the movies. Left to right: Thor Girl, Dark Reign Loki, She-Hulk, and the Yelena Belova version of Black Widow. All of these are actual comics characters, I promise.

Lara Croft, Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas, and Hellboy. Three characters from three different media.

Lego Superman! The best part of the job in his alternate Earth is that even if Lego Zod levels several square miles of real estate, all the properties and casualties are really easy to rebuild.

Wonder Woman and Batgirl, representing for classic DC Comics.

Same goes here for Zatanna and Harley Quinn, whose rebooted versions in DC Comics’ New 52 don’t look much like this anymore.

A creative Harley variant accompanies her puddin’, plus Catwoman and Rorschach, even though he’s from a different Earth.

Even older-than-old-school: the Star-Spangled Kid, Troia (formerly Wonder Girl), and the original Firestorm the Nuclear Man. TAKE THAT, NEW 52.

Another personal favorite: Booster Gold and a member of his fan club, which counts as a costume in itself because the shirt appeared on a Booster Gold cover a few years ago. So yeah, sincere high-fives to these two.

To be continued!

Who wants a copy of my audition reel? Show of hands? (photo credit: GabboT via photopin cc)

It is written! Hollywood Reporter and other official sources have confirmed the Bat-hunt is over: Academy Award Winner Ben Affleck will be following in the footsteps of Christian Bale as the new Batman in the still-untitled DC film, allegedly a Man of Steel sequel even though Batman has more box-office clout, sells more comics, and inspires funnier memes.

The news broke within the past hour (when I began typing this, I mean), but numerous corners of the internet are already sharpening their pitchforks, lighting their torches, and preparing to storm the Warner Bros. castle as if their threats and snipes will somehow change the mind of anyone who could nullify the deal. To be honest, my response is neither vitriol nor zeal. I survived the casting of comedian Michael Keaton as Batman, the Human Torch as Captain America, Princess Diaries as Catwoman, some Australian rookie as Wolverine, and Mister Knight’s Tale as the Joker. Actors have a way of surprising us, regardless of how many flops they have on their permanent record. Even if every other aspect of the production looks shaky to me so far in advance (despite the long distance between us and the announced release date of July 17, 2015), Affleck is the least of my worries. I’m willing to wait and see.

Other immediate thoughts:

* Did Affleck give the producers a really fierce audition, or did high-level execs insist on a name-brand actor?

* How large a dumptruck will Affleck need to carry his paycheck to the bank?

* Can we have Jennifer Garner as Vicki Vale, Poison Ivy, Silver St. Cloud, or at least Lana Lang?

* Online jesters not unlike me are already cracking jokes about adding Matt Damon as Robin. This joke might’ve clicked fifteen years ago, but Affleck and Damon haven’t made a film together since Dogma. If they announced George Clooney returning as Batman, then you could’ve had your Damon/Robin joke, assuming the planet hadn’t cracked in half first from the overreaction.

* So, no Argo 2 yet, I guess?

* Five…four…three…two…and cue the Twitter jokes about Phantoms and Gigli, as if Argo and The Town never happened. (While I’m at it, I’d also propose some much-deserved praise for Affleck as George Reeves in Hollywoodland.) Seriously, when Christian Bale was cast, where were you guys with your timely cracks about Empire of the Sun and Swing Kids?

* I’m more curious to watch the behind-the-scenes struggle over the film’s naming rights. I already shared thoughts on that situation previously, but here’s my newest proposal for a name: Two-Man Justice League: the Movie. It’s not as though DC is being coy about wanting some of that sweet, precious Avengers supergroup money. If they have to wait for the other heroes to leap the yawning chasm between DC’s New 52 and today’s DC film universe, they’ll never have the chance to build their own Scrooge McDuck money bins before they die from old age. As far as the rest of the League is concerned, I remain unconvinced I’ll ever see a worthwhile film version of Wonder Woman in my lifetime, and the other guys would be, at best, the screen equivalent of Supes’ and Bats’ superfluous best friends and neighbors.

* All told, this still has a 90% chance of being classier than Daredevil. (Yep, I’m still bitter. And maybe a little hypocritical.)

The underordered Dial E one-shot will become a hot item once Slub locks in a WB movie deal. (Art by Emi Lenox.)

For enraptured fans of DC’s New 52, it’s a veritable grand tapestry of drama. In a world where many of our rebooted heroes are presumed dead, all the rebooted villains have united and threaten to ruin everything everywhere for all time.

Or something like that. I think. I don’t really care.

Even though I’m reading far fewer titles than I ever have since the dark days of the 1990s, I try to keep up on comic book news in case of new developments within my areas of interest. For me this meant skipping most articles about Forever Evil. I have no use for variant covers. I no longer consider super-heroes a mandatory ingredient of every single comic I buy. I’ve already gone on record previously about my disappointment with the majority of the New 52 (just follow the trail of bread crumbs via the “DC Comics” tag on this post). Unfortunately, by not buying into the corporate marketing schemes that my fellow hobbyists support in droves, I limit my opportunities to participate in the discussion, consign myself to the outermost fringes of the community, and have to consider the possibility that the aging process is slowly pruning the ways and fields in which I can officially still think of myself as a card-carrying geek. I’m just no longer at a place in my walk where I stand to be enriched in any possible way by Extreme Aquaman.

On the other hand, it’s a liberating feeling to buy only what I want to read, not what I have to read to keep up with the Joneses. It’s in that spirit that I’ve bought only two (2) issues out of this entire crowd and have no plans to delve into Forever Evil beyond those. The lucky winners are:

1. Justice League #23.3: Dial E. Until this month, one of my very few New 52 touchstones was Dial H, horror/fantasy novelist China Mieville’s take on “Dial H for Hero”, a longtime favorite DC concept of mine about magical rotary dials that turn the bearers into random, silly super-heroes. Mieville’s fantastical wanderings lost coherence late into the run, but I appreciated the two determinedly non-beautiful main characters he designed as his focal point, both a far cry from the average enhanced super-protagonists of other, better-selling comics. I loved that he was obviously having the time of his life brainstorming superhuman names that will never, ever be reused by anyone else.

Sadly, Dial H wasn’t drawn by hot artists and never had a cash-grab Justice League cameo, so no one bought it and DC canceled it before Forever Evil began. Its planned Villains Month tie-in, Dial E, was reclassified and released as a Justice League book, even though the New 52 fan majority won’t appreciate or buy it, either. It appeared to be the least ordered tie-in at my local comic shop. I’m not sure they even bothered to stock the variant-cover version. For we five Dial H readers, it’s a disjointed but apropos romp in which an H-dial falls into the hands of four delinquents, who take turns transforming and living the high life of crime. Every page premieres a new throwaway character that DC could turn into a movie franchise someday once they’ve exhausted the rest of their library. Thrill to the debuts of…Suffer Kate! Mechasumo! Mise-En-Abyme! Wet Blanket! Ayenbite! (Have fun looking that one up.) And more!

As if that weren’t my money’s worth alone, each page features a different artist, including some very familiar names — Jeff Lemire, David Lapham, Emma Rios, Frazier Irving, Liam Sharp, Jock, Riccardo Burchielli, and several newcomers I’ll need to add to my radar for future reference. It’s the best possible wake DC could’ve held for Dial H. Best of all, it has virtually nil to do directly with Forever Evil at all. Works for me.

Anton Arcane recoils in the presence of the most effective use of a silent, unflappable bunny since Holy Grail. (Art by Jesus Saiz.)

Swampy’s New 52 reboot turned me off with issue one, but Soule’s run has so far kept annoying human Alec Holland offscreen and thus far acquitted itself with creepy aplomb, albeit heavy on big-name guest stars (Superman, the Scarecrow, John Constantine). I’m guessing their sales need a lift. Alas, the reimagined rendition of classic villain Anton Arcane who headlines this issue is a direct continuation of the extended “Rotworld” storyline from the issues that preceded Soule’s. I’m only vaguely familiar with it, as it’s the reason I gave up on Animal Man despite a promising takeoff — I wasn’t in the mood for a series in which the hero would be fighting the same group of villains for years on end without a decisive victory in sight. (It didn’t help that Animal Man and Swamp Thing had their own crossover early on. I quit any and all New 52 books that held crossovers in their first year. I saved myself a lot of money and griping that way.)

Arcane himself is sufficiently disturbing, gross, and malevolent in new and different ways, but his daughter Abigail also figures into the plot, and now she’s gray, has wings, is an agent for decay and rot, and…wow, did I miss a lot. I might as well have skipped all the pages containing her, for all they meant to me without knowing her full New 52 backstory. Arcane, on the other hand, might bear watching in future arcs as long as he’s not the only villain we’ll see in the next sixty consecutive issues.

…

…and, unless someone wants to mail me free copies of other tie-ins just for laughs, that’ll be the entirety of my Forever Evil experience from start to finish. Got what I wanted; done now. Based on these two samples alone, my average grade for all of Forever Evil works out to a B-plus. Bravo, DC! You should have no problem maintaining that winning streak as long as I continue limiting my monthly DC intake to just Swamp Thing, The Green Team, and Batman ’66. It’s a good thing those last two aren’t even participating in Forever Evil, and right now it’s so much better for our relationship this way.

Classic scene from Action Comics #775, March 2001: married couple Clark Kent and Lois Lane share concerns and burdens like a real married couple. Today this scene is against DC Comics law. (Written by Joe Kelly; pencils by Doug Mahnke.)

Odd timing brought a regrettable quote to my attention today, on Wife’s Birthday Eve of all days. DC Comics had already made headlines in recent months for the lack of married couples that survived the New 52 reboot intact and not annulled. Adding fuel to the fire at this weekend’s New York Comic Con, DC editor-in-chief Bob Harras responded to a question about their heroes’ current collective failure at matrimony:

…the New 52, we want surprises. We want things to happen that may be unexpected with romances, relationships. What we ask in general is that we don’t want any of our characters rushing into stable relationships. The only character we have married is Buddy Baker, Animal Man, and that was part and parcel of the character.

Heaven forbid their heroes role-model for all types of relationships. So this isn’t mere coincidence between writers that their star headliners are all unmarried — it’s editorial fiat that says heroes can’t protect the innocent, uphold justice, guide us through the dramatic movements of their lives, or sell comics and merchandise unless they’re single. Scenes of Batman and Catwoman getting down are cool (for non-comics readers: this is the New 52 reality), but marital competence is for squares.

In light of the special occasion within our own married household, I’d like to take a moment to thank some of the fictional characters who, at various points in their respective existences, managed to appear in eminently readable or watchable tales despite being cursed with the stigma of utterly uncool wedded bliss that apparently must be suppressed in today’s world, lest they damage the calm of one sensitive modern fan too many, to say nothing of the effect on merchandise sales.

Though some of these folks aren’t married now, at one point in time they all were, and they carried it well for as long as the publisher or movie studio allowed them. Thanks, high praise, and/or sorrowful sympathies are owed to the following:

Reed and Sue Richards
Nick and Nora Charles
Clark Kent and Lois Lane (I prefer Joe Kelly’s version above all others, but that’s just me)
Peter and Mary Jane Watson Parker
Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl
Wally West and Linda Park
Donna Troy and Terry Long
Wash and Zoe
Hawkeye and Mockingbird
Vision and Scarlet Witch
Black Bolt and Medusa
Aquaman and Mera
James and Margaret Power (the original Louise Simonson/June Brigman versions)
Adam and Julia Kadmon (Midnight, Mass.)
Gomez and Morticia Addams
Benjamin Sisko and Kasidy Yates
Rom and Leeta the Dabo Girl
Tom Paris and B’Elanna Torres
Han and Leia (Star Wars Expanded Universe)

…and that’s just off the top of my head within my own realm of experience, and within a limited brainstorming time frame. If we open wide the floodgates to, say, classic TV alone, we could keep going for pages. It’s a shame that, if transplanted to today’s world, they’d all be losers. Sorry, folks — DC Editorial says you’re yesterday’s news. Good riddance to the lot of you and your retroactively wretched works.

…

Before I forget: to my own wife, allow me here to wish yet another Happy Birthday, and to express my sincere relief that we’re not comic book characters. What God has put together, no crappy, selfish, short-sighted writer ought to be allowed the power to put asunder.

Drama! Excitement! Danger! Peaceful forest walks!

I’m warming a little more to the show as the weeks progress. I’m no longer wishing for Skye the fake-hobo hacker to be dismissed and dropped off at her van down by the river. I’m no longer letting the mystery of Coulson’s alleged clinical death undermine my attention. I’ve stopped nitpicking at how Agent Ward looks 25 but we’re expected to believe he has the acumen and respectability of a 50-year-old war veteran. And I can’t remember the last time I was distracted by an underbudgeted special effect.

One major disappointment still looms: while it’s nice to see them playing with elements of the Marvel movie universe — what’s stopping them from exploring more deeply into the actual Marvel Universe?

(Fair warning: one bit later in this article is a mild spoiler for tonight’s new episode.)

I recognize the show has limitations beyond its control. Characters likely to appear in X-Men or Spider-Man projects are off-limits. Villains deadly enough to be considered for future Avengers films would be wasted here. Also, our agents are generally human and probably not in a position to handle super-villains above a certain power grade. As vast as the Marvel Universe has become after five decades of continuous world-building with only minimal reboots (compared to their Do-Over Competition), that leaves untold square miles within their grasp and ready for adaptation, reimagining, and/or generally providing tons of options for viable antagonists, supporting players, or lands to explore.

The first six episodes have touched on virtually none of that. The bottomless Marvel toybox remains closed shut and gathering dust in a corner. On a related note: the show’s most telling weakness so far has been the lineup of forgettable antagonists. Sticking by the old adage of “A hero is only as good as his enemies,” at this rate Our Heroes will never reach “good”.

Running down the six episodes aired to date, here’s who they’ve faced off against so far, and what few names we’ve seen before elsewhere:

1. “Pilot”: Gunn from Angel as a strong guy named Mike Peterson, who shares traits with existing characters Rage and Luke Cage. Two secret evil cabals/conspiracies/corporations/whatever named Centipede and the Rising Tide, each indistinguishable from the countless other cabals we’ve seen at Marvel — e.g., Hydra, AIM, the Secret Empire, Black Spectre, Agence Byzantine, the Corporation, the National Force, Control 7, et al. One cameo from Maria Hill, one of the only three comic-book characters to pop up in the entire series to date. (There was also an extremely obscure Mike Peterson who was a supporting character in a short-lived ’90s series called Slapstick, but the resemblances are nil. Either the name was a pure coincidence or a clever red herring tossed at hardcore fans before the premiere to stir up discussion.)

2. “0-8-4″: Another Tesseract as MacGuffin. Generic South American mercenaries whose parents probably once menaced the A-Team. Cameo in the epilogue from the Nick Fury to remind us this show is part of the movie universe and we’re not allowed to quit it.

3. “The Asset”: One greedy billionaire off the network-TV assembly line. The third of our three comic book characters: Dr. Franklin Hall (played by Ian Hart, best known as Professor Quirrell from Harry Potter and the Sorceror’s Stone), who would later become the underrated heavyweight villain called Graviton. That’s one point in the show’s favor, even though all we’ve seen so far is his origin, and all he seems to do is use advanced technology to throw things really hard and turn any room into a funhouse.

4. “Eye Spy”: Female assassin with superficial resemblance to Misty Knight from the Daughters of the Dragon. Offscreen computer-based antagonist reminded me of Machinesmith, or any general mastermind capable of hiring a hacker to do their bidding.

5. “Girl in the Flower Dress”: Centipede returns, though I didn’t remember the name till a few hours after watching the episode. Central character is a fire-user calling himself Scorch, which sounded too much like “Screech” for me to take seriously. Shares penchant for fire with Pyro (off-limits X-villain), Sunfire (former X-Man, probably also off-limits), Firebrand, Firebolt, and arguably the Molten Man (Spider-Man villain — a no-go?). And obviously the Human Torch.

6. “F.Z.Z.T.”: Electric alien virus carried by a Chitauri headpiece from The Avengers. Remove the Chitauri with an easy rewrite and we’re looking at Fringe leftovers. A few scenes with Titus Welliver as Agent Blake from the “Item 47″ short that came free on the Avengers DVD, but he’s not from the comics.

So far the showrunners seem dead set on developing their own creations, even if the Marvel catalog already has options that would fit the bill. If you’re going to invent new villains that seem like knockoffs of previously existing characters, your new ones really ought to top them somehow. The most immediate offenders in this area: Our Heroes themselves. Of all the dozens of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents we’ve met in print over the years, the show is using none of them.

Off the top of my head, I can think of three possible reasons why we’re not allowed to see more folks from the comics, either popular or obscure:

A. The TV people really want to put their own personal stamp on the Marvel Universe, regardless of whether or not it’s derivative. In some circles that would be called fanfic.

B. The Powers That Be don’t want to pay creator-participation wages to any comic book writers or artists if they can help it.

C. Reading and learning and knowing things about the Marvel Universe — y’know, the show’s entire setting — would take time and research is really hard, you guys just have no idea.

Thinking back to other Whedon projects, even Buffy and Angel had rough first seasons. I’m trying to stick with this, but it’s a little dispiriting to see folks entrusted with the grand tapestry woven by Lee, Kirby, Ditko, et al., only to watch them take scissors to it and settle for making tiny, disheveled doll clothes out of it. Not every episode needs to span the galaxy or threaten all humanity’s existence, but would it kill them to flip through The Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe and find a few neat concepts that could translate well to TV?

All things considered, not even their adaptation of the aforementioned Dr. Franklin Hall has raised my hopes much. If he does return in a future episode with super-powers and a horrible attitude, I’ll be shocked if they let him use the name “Graviton”. I could totally imagine the showrunners saddling him with a new name so they can claim him as a brand new intellectual property, just so Marvel and ABC don’t have to share a single dime with Graviton’s creators, Jim Shooter and Sal Buscema.

In fact, I’ll go one step further. Hey, TV people! If you’re looking to copyright your original character who uses gravity as a weapon in a way that just makes it look like telekinesis, here’s a list of possible original names for your consideration:

* Gravitex!
* Commander Gravitar!
* Dr. Grav!
* Weightmaster! (Fun trivia: “Mass Master” is taken. Yes, really.)
* The Newtonian!
* Lifto!
* The Flinger!
* The Toss-Across Tyrant!
* The Hall Monitor! (See, because his name is Hall, and…yeah.)
* Marvel Guy!
* Tantrum!
* He-Phoenix!
* Emperor Quirrell!
* The Force!

You’re welcome. And don’t worry about me — I don’t expect a cent. In exchange, all I ask is that you give us one impressive bad guy for S.H.I.E.L.D. to face. Just one. Rule of thumb: if said bad guy would’ve been right at home in an old episode of The Incredible Hulk, try again.

Just a starter checklist, mind you — far from complete or even authoritative:

* Think about things besides sex. Any of the things.
* Assume every woman you meet, online or offline, is not interested. Odds are tremendous that they’re totally not.
* Realize life is not a porn flick, an ’80s teen sex comedy, or Mad Men, where anyone who’s persistent and dense will eventually luck into a sex scene.
* Stop worshiping sex as your happy fun god that demands regular conquests.
* Accept the reality that other humans are not your playthings.
* Learn the difference between female characters written poorly by men, and actual females.
* No, seriously: think about things besides sex. If you can’t think of a topic, go to WikiPedia and click “Random Article” in the left sidebar till you find anything else to contemplate.
* Hands to yourself. Forever.
* Ogling is an unacceptable substitute for eye contact.
* Just because you’re an all-star doesn’t mean everything you do or say is justified by definition.
* Just because you’re male doesn’t mean everything you do or say is justified by definition.
* Just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean everything you do or say is justified by definition.

…because some people need practical advice.

The subject is in my mind’s forefront of my mind because it represents 90% of all memorable, nondisposable news in the world of comic books this week. Long story short: the comic book industry has had more than its share of sexual harassment incidents over the decades, but the past two weeks have seen several women stepping forward to share their experiences in the wake of one newly high-profile case in which a former comics creator took the bold step of naming a rather popular name…and learned she wasn’t alone.

This, of course, is all in addition to the never-ending discussions of abysmal behavior that women are expected to suffer at conventions. Add sci-fi conventions as well, and one could go on for years recounting the deplorable incidents of men demonstrating how much they don’t Get It.

I couldn’t begin to summarize here, especially since so many others already have. The following represents my incomplete harassment-in-comics link collection so far from the last two weeks. They’re not remotely in chronological order, though the first article collates and contextualizes the most important ones. Some of them are tangential, but all of them were stops found along my reading trail at some detour or another and didn’t escape my notice. Many of these articles link to many other articles. In some cases the Comments sections contain still more cautionary tales.

http://www.comicsreporter.com/index.php/a_few_quick_notes_on_sexual_harassment_issues_and_the_explosion_of_discussi/

http://tessfowler.tumblr.com/post/67091692836/my-response

http://annescherbina.tumblr.com/post/67350574208/i-am-not-the-other-woman-i-am-another-voice

http://gimpnelly.tumblr.com/post/67599775530/harassment-in-comics

http://postcardsfromspace.tumblr.com/post/67406592645/comics-conventions-and-harassment-a-personal-promise

http://rantzhoseley.com/blog/?p=367

http://beccatoria.livejournal.com/179948.html

http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2013/11/how-to-dismantle-the-comic-books-boys-club/281694/

http://squidygirl.blogspot.de/2013/11/silent-all-these-years.html

http://www.bleedingcool.com/2013/11/20/harassment-and-being-the-superhero-in-our-story/

http://www.tcj.com/where-do-we-begin/

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2013/11/nerds-male-privilege-tess-fowler-comic-harassment/

http://gwillowwilson.com/post/66992106551/sex-gender-and-the-comics-industry

http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-responses-to-sexism-that-just-make-everything-worse/

http://comicsalliance.com/sexual-harassment-women-in-comics/

http://www.theouthousers.com/index.php/news/125004-hate-the-player-hate-the-game.html

I loathe sites that post lists of links instead of cleaned-up hypertext, but that’s pretty much the only way I can handle processing all of this at the moment. Labeling them, prioritizing them, ranking them, pointing out which ones are “best”, prettying them up — not in the mood for any semblance of refined cultivation or finicky site design. (One exception: writer Marjorie Liu’s piece on Facebook, which I want to include but this site’s software kept wanting to embed her post here automatically instead of merely linking to it.)

I’ve gone on record time and again about cutting up my man card for numerous offenses against the he-man masculinity cabal. I grew up essentially fatherless and was denied all those childhood lessons I was supposed to receive about how to grow up a thoughtless, oppressive male. Vocalizing any of this doesn’t help my case. Now they’ll never teach me how to change my own oil, or how to hypnotize a woman into agreeing that her “no” really means “yes” because it suits my shallow worldview.

And this is just in the comic book industry. Lord knows how many other fields and industries have the same problem. Many of them? All of them?

Seriously, guys: is baseline civility that difficult? Manners? Recognition of rights? Personal space? No? All sounding foreign? Ruins the mood? Interrupts your endless stream of sexytime thoughts? Does it pain you to consider that some of your fellow humans don’t want to live every aspect of our lives as if we’re in a seedy, roughhouse bar in the ghetto part of town?

All this, then, is the ugly underside of my lifelong hobby that’s overtaken my online “leisure” reading this week. The bravery to be seen in so much confrontation is commendable; the offenses that necessitated it, reprehensible.

In a medium whose creations and creators once prided themselves on the celebration of heroes and the triumph of good over evil, I missed the bell-ringing for the exact moment when so many folks on either side of the printed page stopped taking those lessons to heart….and/or stopped teaching those lessons.

For me, Wonder Woman’s golden age began in 1985. Artist/co-writer George Perez autographed my battered old copy of that year’s WW #1 at the 2012 Superman Celebration in Metropolis.

Warner Brothers confirmed on the record today that the long-neglected Wonder Woman will be featured in a live-action theatrical release for the first time in her 72-year history, and her first live-action non-bootlegged role in 34 years. This potentially historical part has been awarded to Israeli actress Gal Gadot, who was a complete unknown to me before today, though I understand she’s a regular in the Fast and the Furious series. For longtime fans who’ve been wanting to see our legendary Princess Diana on the big screen, your wish is about to be granted.

One catch: she’s not yet earned a film to have all to herself. Instead she’ll be a supporting character in Zack Snyder’s Batman vs. Superman crossover.

At this point, details are scarce. We have no word yet on whether she’ll be a prominent teammate, a new hero with much to learn, a ten-second walk-on Easter egg, the main villain, a super-powered Lex Luthor minion, a joke like the Mandarin, or what. One thing we can tell just by looking: the company’s consensus is that she’s not ready for a solo film, or even a headlining role. You’ll notice it’s not called Batman vs. Superman vs. Wonder Woman, or Wonder Woman Presents Batman vs. Superman, or even the equalizing Justice League. Assuming the working title is allowed to stand, nothing about it implies any observance of the “Big 3″ ranking usually afforded the entire trio, not just to the guys.

Barring any deeper developments, she stands to become the Black Widow of the DC movie universe. That doesn’t have to be an out-and-out insult, but it feels like a demotion at the very least for arguably the greatest super-heroine in comics history (or the character who should be exactly that, all things considered). Obviously they retain the option to follow up with a spinoff movie of her own, but that won’t be exercised till after this landmark first appearance that may define her entirely by how well she relates to the starring males. After years of trying out various ideas and committing to none of them, the Powers That Be and/or all available filmmakers appear to be admitting they have zero confidence that she could convincingly stand on her own.

Not that I personally have a clear vision of what a Wonder Woman movie should be, to be fair. My impression is she’s a hero just about 24/7, a warrior when she has to be, a peacekeeper when circumstances permit, a representative of her people except when they’re being written as belligerent harridans, an independent spirit (no thanks to her creator), and — above all — absolutely, positively not just a female Superman. Beyond that, her status quo in the comics has varied so much over the decades that it’s difficult for me to elevate a single version above all others. There’s fair latitude for any number of interpretations, but I’m afraid to see whether Zack Snyder’s rendition will more closely resemble the good parts or the bad parts of Sucker Punch.

I have no opinion yet on the actress herself. I’m not joining other online comics fans in being judgmental about her body, or about the word “model” in her work history. Those complaints are beyond me. I’m not fanatically attached to any one visual interpretation. Even if I were, actors can make physical transformations as needed, especially lesser-known stars who aren’t yet typecast for life. And great actors come from many career tracks with resumés in all sorts of shapes.

If DC Comics simply has to have Wonder Woman join their movie universe, though, it seems sad and unfair that she has to prove herself to today’s audiences with a second-string trial run before she’ll be permitted her own private slot on the WB release schedule. Because her 72-year publishing history, her well-known TV series, her cartoon roles, and her 72 years’ worth of merchandising profits weren’t good enough. Couldn’t they find just one writer who can figure her out without relegating her to backup-hero status?

If not, is America in a position where we absolutely have to have Wonder Woman in a movie or else life is meaningless? Are we so desperate to see her writ large that we’ll accept it by any means necessary? Because honestly, the last time we viewers shrugged and said “We’ll take what we can get!” the result was Green Lantern and I’m still wishing they’d take that one back.

Never even mind the part where moviemaking logic says Green Lantern deserved his own film more than Wonder Woman does.

A rare instance of a book I bought and read in the same year it was published.

I spent the first part of the year trying to clear out my accumulation of new finds and autographed items from conventions. I wedged in some prose novels and even a little nonfiction wherever I could, but most of my reading was catching up on the graphic-storytelling variety. I’m really tired of having a large backlog, and some tentatively planned restructuring of my free time and priorities in 2014 should help facilitate that. Maybe. Hopefully.

Presented below is the complete list of books, graphic novels, and trade collections that I finished reading in 2013. A few were started in 2012 and one was an on-’n'-off side project for years, but I reached their final page this year and that’s what matters. I’m also pessimistically assuming I won’t have any reading time over the three days remaining. If reading time does occur, I’ll just stop three pages from the end and save it for January 1st. Fair enough?

That list, then:

1. Various, Reading with Pictures, Volume One
2. Charles Schulz, The Complete Peanuts 1985-1986
3. Joshua Hale Fialkov and Brent Peeples, Last of the Greats
4. Dan Miller, No More Dreaded Mondays
5. Andy Stanley, Fields of Gold
6. Victor Carungi, Jeff Blascyk, and Antonio Brandao, Pencilneck
7. Jim McCann and Janet Lee, Return of the Dapper Men
8. Rich Burlew, The Order of the Stick: On the Origin of PCs
9. Rafael Alvarez, The Wire: Truth Be Told
10. Berkley Breathed, Bloom County: the Complete Library Volume 1: 1980-1982
11. Warren Ellis, Gun Machine
12. Stephen King, Nightmares and Dreamscapes
13. Kieron Gillen and Jamie McKelvie, Phonogram: the Singles Club
14. Christos Gage and Chris Samnee, Area 10
15. Charles Soule and Greg Scott, Strange Attractors
16. Nathaniel Hawthorne, The House of the Seven Gables
17. Floyd Gottfredson, Walt Disney’s Mickey Mouse: Race to Death Valley
18. Walter Koenig and JC Baez, Things to Come
19. Michael Moreci, Steve Seeley, Axel Medellin, et al.; Hoax Hunters, Book One: Murder, Death, and the Devil
20. Elmore Leonard, Glitz
21. Timothy and Kathy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage
22. Nate Powell, Swallow Me Whole
23. Charles Schulz, The Complete Peanuts 1987-1988
24. Various, The Best of Omega Comics Presents, Vol. 1
25. Bill Willingham, Matt Sturges, Tony Akins, Russell Braun, et al.; Jack of Fables, v. 2: Jack of Hearts
26. Bill Willingham, Matt Sturges, Tony Akins, Russell Braun, et al.; Jack of Fables, v. 3: The Bad Prince
27. Bill Willingham, Matt Sturges, Tony Akins, Russell Braun, et al.; Jack of Fables, v. 4: Americana
28. Bill Willingham, Matt Sturges, Tony Akins, Russell Braun, et al.; Jack of Fables, v. 5: Turning Pages
29. Bill Willingham, Matt Sturges, Tony Akins, Russell Braun, et al.; Jack of Fables, v. 6: The Big Book of War
30. Bill Willingham, Matt Sturges, Mark Buckingham, Tony Akins, Russell Braun, et al.; Fables, v. 13: The Great Fables Crossover
31. Bill Willingham, Matt Sturges, Chris Roberson, Tony Akins, Russell Braun, et al.; Jack of Fables, v. 7: The Adventures of Jack and Jack
32. Bill Willingham, Matt Sturges, Tony Akins, Russell Braun, et al.; Jack of Fables, v. 8: The Fulminate Blade
33. Bill Willingham, Matt Sturges, Tony Akins, Russell Braun, et al.; Jack of Fables, v. 9: The End
34. Bill Willingham, Mark Buckingham, David Lapham, et al.: Fables, v. 14: Witches
35. Bill Willingham, Mark Buckingham, Inaki Miranda, et al.: Fables, v. 15: Rose Red
36. Bill Willingham, Mark Buckingham, Eric Shanower, et al.: Fables, v. 16: Super Team
37. Matt Feazell, The Amazing Cynicalman Volume 2
38. Bill Willingham, Mark Buckingham, Steve Leialoha, et al.: Fables, v. 17: Inherit the Wind
39. Bill Willingham, Mark Buckingham, Steve Leialoha, Gene Ha, et al.: Fables, v. 18: Cubs in Toyland
40. Gail Simone and Jim Calafiore, Leaving Megalopolis, vol. 1
41. Neil Gaiman; Fortunately, the Milk
42. Harvey Pekar and various, Our Movie Year

Personal favorites among the bunch: Phonogram (yay Gillen and McKelvie!), The Meaning of Marriage (it’s been literal years since I encountered a book with new insight on the subject), Swallow Me Whole (an experimental award-winner about mental illness), The Wire (because Best Show Ever), Area 10 (surprising fantasy crime drama), and the pleasure of binge-reading three years’ worth of Fables back-to-back. Gaiman’s new book was precious in a good way and the illustrations by Skottie Young were an ideal match, but I’m hesitant to bestow a “year’s best” crown on a YA short-novel that took less than half an hour of my time. Pretty nifty, regardless.

Least favorite: Last of the Greats, a disturbing entry in the not-uncommon “What if Superman turned evil?” sub-subgenre that I wish I could unread.

By way of comparison, my yearly book count from 2008 to the present has trended like so:

2008: 39
2009: 50
2010: 44
2011: 33
2012: 23

You’ll note 2012 is the year this humble site began, and my writing time began to exceed my reading time by an unhealthy margin. Also, I spent that January and February on Neal Stephenson’s REAMDE. Anytime you add a Stephenson novel to your lineup, ten other books will have to wait an extra year for their turn.

I’ve found one interesting idea to supplement my 2014 reading experience: blogger/author/speaker Jon Acuff has announced a fun project he’s calling “The Empty Shelf Challenge“, encouraging participants to clear off one shelf in their house, fill it with each book they finish in 2014 as they go, and post photos to a Pinterest group he’s formed for the occasion.

This should serve two purposes for me: (1) a handy way to quantify my reading progress; and (2) a reason to do anything with my barely used Pinterest account, which I registered months ago for a dumb reason. I do appreciate that it’s not a competition, just a creative accounting method.

For me, the hardest part won’t be the reading. It’ll be emptying an entire shelf and keeping it reserved for twelve straight months. Some furniture expansion may be in order…

Official flyer handed out at my local comic shop. No idea what the QR code does.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover, back in June 2013:

This week the Indianapolis Star reported that someone out there wants to make my pipe dream a reality. A young Florida-based company called Action3 Events and Promotions has scheduled a comics convention for March 14-16, 2014, in our very own Indiana Convention Center. It’s as yet unnamed and not yet listed on their official site, but official enough that they’re proclaiming its proposed existence in public interviews. That much alone is a positive sign.

A name was assigned shortly after I wrote that. Nine months later, its time is nigh. March 14-16 sees the world premiere of the Indiana Comic Con, a three-day meeting-of-the-minds for connoisseurs of the graphic storytelling medium, and/or a temporary point of interest for autograph hounds. For once, local comics collectors will have someplace massive to converge that’s not Chicago, Ohio, Louisville, or some faraway land reachable only by air travel.

For those who like meeting actors, ICC will have four on site signing autographs, allowing photo ops, and appearing at Q&As. Those names are:

* Daniel Cudmore, who played Colossus in the second and third X-Men films. I’m trying to remember if he had any lines, and I’m drawing a blank. Apparently he also had a role in the Twilight series.

* Maisie Williams, a.k.a. Arya Stark from Game of Thrones, which we don’t watch. She’s 16, but it’s my understanding from an online cohort that in person “she’s awesome and hilarious.”

* Caity Lotz, who plays Black Canary on TV’s Arrow, which we don’t watch. I vaguely recall her from a few episodes of Mad Men, where she played the late Anna Draper’s niece Stephanie and had to deflect Don’s skeevy come-on.

* Evan Peters, who’ll be Fox’s version of Quicksilver in the upcoming X-Men: Days of Future Past. He’s also been on American Horror Story and One Tree Hill, neither of which we watch.

…so my wife and I will be saving money in this area, but we hope other fans take advantage of the opportunity. With only four actors for attendees to choose from, I’m thinking autograph lines might be a tad long. Arrive early; plan accordingly.

Comic book fans can meet a variety of creators both famous and otherwise. Major names include but aren’t limited to:

* George Perez, a legend in the field. Crisis on Infinite Earths, Wonder Woman, The Avengers, Superman, and more more more. I’ve met him twice and can’t praise him highly enough.

* Arthur Suydam, a painter who specializes in zombification. He’s a regular at the two Chicago cons we attend every year.

* Tony Bedard, who’s written at both DC and Marvel (I enjoyed his run on Exiles); currently working on Supergirl and the upcoming Secret Origins.

* Bob Camp, longtime animator and driving force behind The Ren & Stimpy Show.

* Steve Englehart, Marvel/DC writer whose credits include Avengers, Defenders, Detective Comics, and Vision & Scarlet Witch.

* Joe Eisma, artist/co-creator of Image Comics’ popular Morning Glories. (It’s still popular, right? I gave up on it, but I expect I’m alone in that.)

* Bob Layton, writer/artist whose work on Iron Man was integral to the character and a favorite from my childhood. He also wrote and drew the very first Marvel limited series, 1982′s Hercules: Prince of Power.

…and more, more more! The official site lists several more well-known names, but these, I imagine, will draw the longest lines from readers looking for autographs, sketches, or impromptu portfolio reviews.

Unfortunately, the con’s too new and untested for any of the major publishers to deign to appear for us. Numerous small-press publishers, dealers, local comic shops, and other relevant companies will be in the house anyway. In addition to actor Q&As (largely on Friday and Saturday), several panels are scheduled to offer a chance for the like-minded to hear or participate in discussions of various topics and fandoms. In this area ICC has already caught up to Wizard World Chicago, whose offerings in this area can be pretty sparse some years.

Most important of all: yes, there will be a costume contest on Saturday. My wife and I will be there and plan to return with a full report and gallery for MCC readers and random passersby. (Incidentally, if you’re one of those: welcome!)

I have a few reservations about the weekend, all of which I hope will be for naught:

* The con is fairly priced, but we’re attending Saturday only because the totality of it seems a little lighter than we’re accustomed to having at our disposal. Admittedly, those Chicago cons may have spoiled us. If I’m wrong and we leave Saturday with a long list of unchecked to-do items, I’ m willing to stand corrected and regretful.

* This weekend will be following in the wake of recent unpleasant stories about other conventions that drew more than a little ire from a disappointed public. I won’t rehash details here, but this one story and this other story made me hang my head, roll my eyes, and regret my hobby a little. I don’t want to see an Indianapolis event making these same kinds of headlines. The showrunners experienced a bump in the road several weeks ago during the planning process that could’ve spiraled out of control, but they basically eliminated the issue.

* I’m a bit concerned that the website doesn’t indicate a harassment policy in place. Larger cons have been adopting those in recent times in order to encourage and in some cases mandate a safe atmosphere for all participants, not just for obnoxious privileged dudes. (Googling “convention harassment” will bring you several months’ worth of reading matter that’ll catch you up to speed and depress you for days.) You’d think “Don’t do anything stupid” would be common-sense enough for the average citizen and obviate the need for codified rules, but one man’s stupid is another man’s brilliant. I wouldn’t be encountering a plethora of ongoing discussions on this topic if there weren’t a problem. Can we really count on Indianapolis to be small enough and/or polite enough for this to be a non-issue?

* Similar but slightly different note: the Indianapolis Star recently ran an interview with Christina Blanch, a Muncie comic shop owner who also teaches free online courses about comics. The interview is a delightful read, but I winced at the title of the article: “Indy’s Comic Con: Not Just for Boys”. Is Indianapolis so distanced from the comics scene that we’re meant to see this statement as bold and revelatory? We’ve been hosting Gen Con every year since 2003, so we should know by now that gamers come in all stripes and patterns. Is it too much of a stretch to assume the same of us comics geeks? (That’s not a rhetorical question.) I should hope that anyone who’ll call the Indiana Comic Con their very first convention won’t walk in and be flabbergasted just because the place is half-filled with *gasp* womenfolk. If I see geek gatekeeping afoot, I’m throwing a fit. And you don’t want to see a guy my size throwing a fit.

* Totally unrelated to anything the showrunners can control: I’m currently collecting fewer monthly comics than ever. In fact, I’ve procrastinated writing a “Favorite Comics of 2013″ entry here because I was struggling to recall ten comics I’d truly hold above all others for last year. I’m feeling a bit disconnected from the field nowadays, but I’m hoping there’ll be cool new things to acquire this Saturday, not just the must-haves on my back-issue want list.

* Indy’s fabulous food trucks better show up and congregate on Georgia Street exactly as they did last year for Gen Con. They just better. The food at the Indiana Convention Center is streets ahead of the harmful matter they slap on the plates at the Stephens Center in Rosemont, but if y’all haven’t sampled our city’s dozens of food trucks, this should be a great time to give ‘em a try. I know they’ll be there for Friday lunchtime at the very least.

Regardless of this old man’s process-improvement pontificating, here’s hoping all goes above and beyond expectations, that the weekend turns out memorable in a good way, and that in hindsight we’ll later be able to refer to this cheerfully as “the first annual Indiana Comic Con”. See you there!

Art by Val Mayerik, co-creator of Howard the Duck. I promise he’s done far, far better work in his time.

Most collectors who consider themselves organized and serious about collecting certain collectible things for their collection have a want list. Sure, you could attend conventions or flea markets and simply buy random issues from whatever boxes lay in your path. The dealers and older collectors who have hundreds of pounds of pamphlets to unload won’t stop you.

There’s something to be said for spontaneous browsing and impulse buys up to a certain point. By adding the element of goal-setting, though, suddenly your hobby becomes a full-fledged quest. Now you have bragging rights because you’ve made it all seem so noble.

I’ve been reading comic books since age six. I’d say I began Collecting with a capital C around age twelve, when I first discovered comic dealers at a local antique show. I was used to buying comics off the spinner racks at Marsh or Hook Drugs, but the dealer’s approach was a radical new paradigm to me. All the comics stood in longboxes, were alphabetized by title, were filed in order by issue number, and went back several years. It was a mind-blowing moment to discover that I could buy old comics that went with my new comics. Years’ worth of them, even.

Not long after, my comics want list was born.

Art by Evan Dorkin. His latest Beasts of Burden special hit shops this week, and Eltingville arrives in April. Before those, there was this.

I’ve maintained the same list ever since. Want List 1.0 began as ugly cursive scrawls in a college-ruled notebook. No one could read it but me. No one would read it even if I’d painted it with calligraphy.

In the late ’80s those same scrawls were scribbled onto 3×5 index cards when I entered an index-card phase and was using them for all my lists, of which there were plenty. In our library I still have two shoeboxes filled with index cards on which I tracked all the writers and artists of every comic in my collection. My heart sang when someone invented the spreadsheet, one of my favorite tools on the first computer we owned. Suddenly a whole new world of organizational power was at my fingertips.

At some point Excel’s memory usage on one of my old, faltering PCs bugged me enough that I cut-’n’-pasted the entire list into a bare-bones Notepad text file instead. Such a downgrade might drive some comics fans mad, but it’s worked for me ever since. Sometimes I like to treat myself to simplicity.

Art by George Perez, Guest of Honor at this weekend’s Indiana Comic Con. The other 84 issues have been mine since childhood, but as an incomplete set.

Convenient shopping access conserves physical resources and eliminates the hunt, but it also eliminates the thrill of the hunt. Many a collector has known that moment of euphoria when they’ve spent diligent hours rifling through scores of back-issue boxes, are ready to scream if they run across one more stupid unwanted issue of Brigade, and nearly weep as they finally come across a comic they’ve been missing for years and dying to own. Granted, the climax of this long journey might be a little more exciting if there were death traps involved, or perhaps a final boss battle. Maybe that’s why some guys add another degree of risk by trying to haggle with the dealer. It’s not enough to buy it; now they need to win it.

This is why I consciously limit my want-list hunts to conventions only. Back-issue buying isn’t nearly as enjoyable to me if I’m continuously working on my list and gathering the missing objets d’art as a matter of daily routine. At my age I like the idea of want-list hunts as rare special occasions — my version of a sporting event, as it were.

Pencils by a very young Kevin Maguire; inks by old pro Joe Rubinstein. Someday it will be mine.

In keeping with my finicky nature, not all my want-list items are common or easy to find. It’s physically impossible for the average dealer to bring all their stock to sell over a convention weekend. They’re sensible enough to bring only what they think will sell best — or in many cases, what they hope to unload for cheap. Some will bring high-end collectibles such as Marvel’s 1960s super-hero milestones. Some will bring cartloads of The Walking Dead and today’s other hottest comics. Some will bring their 3-for-$1 boxes because they have thousands of pounds of ’90s Image or Valiant leftovers taking up far too much storage space. It’s extremely rare for dealers to bring the sort of obscure titles and forgotten works that comprise my own list. Several items, including those pictured here, have been on the list since I was a schoolkid. Few professionals would expect these to sell quickly and therefore leave them at the store, hoping instead that the teeming masses will be ready and willing to stock up on old issues of Ultimate Spider-Man by the pound.

Odds are great that I’ll never acquire everything on my list. I’m 99% certain I’ll never lay a hand on that one issue of Grimjack that still escapes me. I’m okay with that, but that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped trying. My want-list hunt has no definitive finish line, no enforced timetable, and no real drive to conquer it Once and for All. It’s a cheery, never-ending battle to call my own. My prizes, my rules, and the times I choose to participate are all part of the game. Also, it’s kind of a long list.

Here’s hoping this weekend’s Indiana Comic Con can help me out at least a little. If I walk away empty-handed and let down, we still have C2E2 and Wizard World Chicago on our radar, along with a few other cons we’re considering this year in other nearby states. We’ll see what time and budget permit, and how we’re feeling about extra traveling. If the hunt is on, it’s on. If not, better luck next year.

And who knows? Maybe this is the year I’ll be shocked beyond belief to find a copy of Steelgrip Starkey and the All-Purpose Power Tool #5 in my hands. Comics are all about dreaming big, right?

Adipose wasn’t at the Indiana Comic Con, but I took this pic later the same day. Cuteness goes a long way toward banishing frustration.

Several random digressions were tossed from the previous entry because I wanted to keep it concise and streamlined for first-time visitors and photo addicts. The following self-Q&A represents what I hope will be the final roundup of anecdotes from our weekend in general, a few reflections on the positive things that came from it, and some eager anticipation of potentially exciting events ahead in 2014 for us and for MCC readers.

So…was that it? You left the con, went home, wallowed in your high blood pressure, and registered your dismay on the internet for all to see? We had a backup plan, but I didn’t expect to have time to use it. After abandoning downtown we headed out west and attended the open house at Who North America. Touted as America’s largest online retailer of Doctor Who memorabilia, they’re normally closed to the public except by appointment, but they open one Saturday every month for a four-hour window. They timed their March open house to coincide with the con and drew at least ten times their normal visitor count. The line to enter was a ninety-minute wait…but at least we were allowed inside. They even announced they were extending their hours to accommodate the tremendous response. We literally applauded their generosity.

Was that really all the people you met? I regret omitting one name: cartoonist David Yoder, from whom I bought a minicomic fanfic called “A Fan Comic About Community“, which he wrote and drew shortly before the Dan-Harmon-less season 4 made all our gripes and fears come true. I chuckled a few times. Coming from an old guy who doesn’t read fanfic anymore, that’s a sincere compliment.

Did you find anything on your want list? Surprisingly, yes! Four issues of The Flash from 1978; one issue of The Incredible Hulk from 1975; the first issue of DC’s The Ray (the Christopher Priest/Howard Porter version); and one of the two issues I was missing from Warren Ellis’ run on Excalibur. From the department of impulse buys, I picked up two issues of Marvel Premiere that each featured art by Howard Chaykin and the late Gene Day, as well as a complete run of Paul Cornell and Ryan Kelly’s Saucer Country for a song. This may sound like a small haul, but I’m satisfied with the results.

Was there anything else happening in downtown Indianapolis? If you need a break from the con and/or its throngs, the rest of downtown wasn’t any more deserted. The Big 10 college basketball conference consumed a large area around Bankers Life Fieldhouse and helped overpopulate all the local restaurants. All our food trucks, sadly, opted out and left thousands of dollars just lying there unclaimed on the table. It’s funny how the geography divided itself: reductively speaking, Indy had geeks to the west and jocks to the east, with Meridian Street as the line in the sand down the middle between the two factions. It was the liveliest day our fair capital has had all year, even without a violent Hatfields/McCoys-style outbreak.

Here’s a shot of Monument Circle this weekend, choosing to celebrate sports over pop culture because money and, I dunno, normalcy or whatever.

I think that’s supposed to say either “Big 10″ or “bee-one-gee”.

How was the local media coverage? I’m a tad sensitive about how mainstream reporters view our hobbies from afar through a pirate spyglass and consequently tend to get the little things wrong. I avoided all TV coverage, but I read the summation by the Indianapolis Star that had much better photos than ours but distorted one key point: “Nearly three-quarters of the attendees were dressed in costume.” Um, no. This supports the common myth (which I addressed some time ago) that every comic con is a wall-to-wall masquerade ball. Unless you’re counting super-hero shirts as costumes, “three-quarters” is a severe overestimation that smacks of unfounded stereotyping. If we have to make up a percentage from thin air, I’d call it a single-digit figure at best.

AHA! You misquoted two figures in the previous entry! You’re being mean and distorting stuff on purpose with an agenda! Ouch. My fault. I’ve since corrected it, but allow me to restate and apologize here for the record: the Indiana Convention Center has over 749,000 square feet in total usable space. That’s much more impressive than what I’d copied down in error. But if you consider the Indiana Comic Con only used about 100,000 feet worth of exhibit halls and meeting rooms, not including the surrounding hallways, that’s well over 600,000 square feet of opportunity lost because of other organizations that called dibs first. So who do we really blame here for the overcrowding issues: the showrunners for not choosing a weekend when more space was available; the showrunners for being too cheap to pay for more space; the Convention Center for not working more closely with them in selecting a more accommodating weekend; or both sides for condescendingly underestimating Indiana geek power? I’d love to hear more discussion on that subject so we can better determine who we’re supposed to be vilifying.

One other figure I’ve now updated in that entry: this morning the showrunners announced their estimate that Saturday drew 15,000 bodies, much greater than the quote of 5,000 that the media bandied about yesterday on Twitter, and still exceeding the showrunners’ preshow estimate of 6,000. Even if “only” six thousand of us had shown up, where were they planning on stacking us all?

Please tell me we have other convention options. Pretty please? Absolutely! Midwesterners will have plenty of convention options in this saturated era and market. This is by no means a complete list, but right now my wife and I are aware of the following 2014 geek-based events that will be taking place within 300 miles of Indianapolis in 2014. Please feel free to plug more 2014 shows in the comments below.

3/28 – 3/30: Wizard World Louisville
4/4 – 4/6: Wizard World St. Louis
4/25 – 4/27: C2E2 in Chicago
5/30 – 6/1: the inaugural Indy Pop Con, here in Indianapolis
6/12 – 6/15: the Superman Celebration in Metropolis, IL
6/27 – 6/29: Days of the Dead Indianapolis
8/1 – 8/3: FandomFest in Louisville
8/14 – 8/17: Gen Con Indy
8/22 – 8/24: Wizard World Chicago
9/5 – 9/7: Cincinnati Comic Expo
10/31 – 11/2: Wizard World Ohio (formerly Mid-Ohio Con)
11/28 – 11/30: Starbase Indy

We’re planning on C2E2, Gen Con, Wizard World Chicago, and Starbase Indy as long as nothing financially catastrophic occurs between now and then. We’ve never been to any of the others, but my wife and I have discussed broadening our scope, especially since at least one of these shows has a few of the Most Wanted Actors on her autograph wishlist. Updates and recaps as they occur!

More photos! We demand more ICC photos! Fine. Here’s us, courtesy of the Imagine Church booth. Happy now?

The author and his wife, resident MCC chief photographer, accountability executive, and dance partner.

Design by Jordie Bellaire and Steven Finch. Availability TBD.

This shirt doesn’t exist yet, but I’ll be camped out in line as soon as the line forms.

Hot on the heels of last week’s double-barrel underage-hero-ogling/rape-threat controversy, another brouhaha hit the comic spheres Sunday evening when comics writer Landry Walker (The Incredibles, Danger Club) wandered around the show floor at WonderCon and was startled to find the following objet d’hate existing for sale:

I don't understand why people say comics are hostile to female fans with rad shirts like this for sale at Wondercon. http://t.co/Fo6JJBfqzT—
Landry Quinn Walker (@LandryQWalker) April 20, 2014

…ugh. Not that exclusionary fanguys didn’t already have plenty of merchandise tailored specifically to them, but this one speaks directly to the heart of so many recent hostilities. I may not read the same comics as everyone else, but it’d the height of arrogance to proclaim that all the comics should be all for me. Some publishers may be better a diversity than others on all the available levels, but taken as a whole, if you can find trusty guides to point you in the right directions, the medium really does have something for every reader out there. As well it should.

To that end, colorist extraordinaire Jordie Bellaire (Deadpool, Moon Knight, Magneto, Pretty Deadly, Three, etc., etc.) and a cohort named Steven Finch (parenthetical credits here if I knew who he was) designed the proposed T-shirt you see at the top of this entry. Bellaire hopes to have a site up and running circa May so this can exist, so supporters can buy several for themselves and friends, and so she and Finch can die heroic and wealthy. She hopes to see stickers and buttons in the mix as well for all your anti-dudebro needs.

I’ll happily update here as more info becomes available. The C.A.F.E. shirt sadly won’t be ready in time for this weekend’s C2E2, but I’d love to sport this at Indy Pop Con at the end of May. I can bide my time if I must, but I wouldn’t be surprised if we start seeing other artists producing more merchandise along these lines, in even bigger and bolder designs. It’d be nice to fortify my wardrobe with more defenses like this to wear at cons and balance out the presence of card-carrying reps from the He-Man Woman-Haters Club or the boys down at the Get Rid Of Slimy girlS treehouse.

* * * * *

[Updated 5/13/2014: Shirts are now available for preorder! Go buy some for the entire family!]

It’s Hawkguy vs. Hawkeye, and Pizza Dog’s life hangs in the balance! More or less. Maybe a little. (Art by David Aja.)

That’s not to say my pull list is restricted to Scooby-Doo and Highlights Magazine. Several titles found their way onto my weekly reading stack in 2013, many of them proudly so. I put off spotlighting them here on MCC for a few reasons:

1. Entries about comics consistently draw the least traffic of all subjects.
2. My recurring frustrations with the medium nowadays leave a bitter taste that’s not fun to dwell on.
3. So many other subjects keep snaring and holding my attention first.
4. I reread last year’s summary and depressed myself with how little had changed.

Now that C2E2 is coming up this weekend, what better time to cross this off my to-do list, traffic or no traffic? The following, then, were my favorite comic book series throughout 2013, in no particular order:

* Hawkguy — Its real name is Hawkeye but no one calls it that. You had to be there. Despite scheduling issues and its increasingly thickening air of hopelessness, the two best archers in the Marvel Universe stayed the course through a combination of commitment to experimentation and refocusing on Kate Bishop’s move to Cali instead of on that dreary, pity-spiraling Clint. I can’t wait to start caring about him again someday. Also helping: #11′s spotlight on the Hawkeyes’ dog Lucky, a.k.a. Pizza Dog, written about here previously. This issue alone helped Hawkguy cling onto this list.

* Daredevil — Mark Waid and Chris Samnee wrapped up their run, the Sons of the Serpent storyline, and Matt Murdock’s last days in New York with the panache and optimism that have made ol’ Hornhead more joyful than he’s been since that one time Karl Kesel wrote it for a few minutes back in the ’90s. Looking forward to his gratuitous relaunch, his big move to San Francisco, and the Waid/Samnee team’s upcoming C2E2 appearance.

* Alex + Ada — In a near-future where the tech has updated but most people haven’t, single guy Alex has his lonesome routine interrupted when his grandma buys him a mail-order android companion named Ada, programmed to follow his orders and agree with everything he says. Alex refuses to consider this advantageous and embarks on an illegal back-channel journey to jailbreak her OS and upgrade her to free-willed status. This Image series from Jonathan Luna and Sarah Vaughn is low-key and measured in its pace, and yet the emotional beats keep a steady rhythm so each issue still feels like a satisfying chapter that’s going places.

* Sandman: Overture — When someone convinces Neil Gaiman to write more comics, it’s a rare cause for rallying. When JH Williams illustrations are involved, presumably this will add up to one of the greatest miniseries of all time. Unfortunately the interminable wait between issues (note the four-month gap between #1 and #2) means I’ll probably have to stockpile this until it wraps up around 2015, when I can read it in one theoretically mind-blowing sitting.

Holy retro camp, Batman! (Art by Jonathan Case.)

* Batman ’66 — Normal Batman comics have nifty modern artists, but they also have crossovers. Batman ’66 has Jeff Parker’s incredible TV simulation, a differently talented artist lineup, and a premise that’s guaranteed crossover-proof. I loved the show when I was a kid, hated it was a teen, and tried not to think about it as a young adult. Now that I’m older and have been fed oodles of grim-’n’-gritty Dark Knight in my time, the sight of a stately Batman teaching manners to an impetuous Robin seems refreshingly radical.

* Lazarus — In a future where world ownership and governance is carved up between a select few invincible one-percenter families, your heroine is Forever Carlyle, one of many genetically engineered commanders who mind the soldiers, keep the peace, and enforce the tenuous relationships between the haves, the have-nots, and the total nothings. The old-time Gotham Central team of Greg Rucka and Michael Lark once again provide a dark, unpredictable must-read, loaded with liner notes, world-building extras, and a lengthy letter column in every issue. Worth its price in content density alone; the thought-provocation and utter lack of female objectification feel almost like value-added bonuses.

* Angel & Faith — Months after I’d walked away from Buffy Season 9, Christos Gage and Rebekah Isaacs saw Our Heroes’ quest to resurrect Giles through to a startling conclusion, while big-bad Whistler proves years after the fact that there was a point to his whole “balance” fixation and to his character in general. Add the intro of Giles’ two flighty but capable sisters, and a variety of fixes meant to salvage the severe disappointment that was Buffy Season 8, and the total package was, I’m pretty sure, now my all-time favorite Buffyverse comics arc. Looking forward to seeing them taking the helm of Buffy Season 10.

* Trillium — Writer/artist Jeff Lemire’s time-jumping, centuries-spanning, post-apocalyptic, head-scratching, page-turning, story-splitting, book-flipping, comic-rotating, continuum-switching, boy-meets-girl intergalactic romantic adventure fable is assuredly unlike anything else ever drawn and printed. He’s an explorer from the 1920s; she’s among the last survivors in our distant future. Can this couple who’ve barely met and don’t speak the same language figure out how to use a magical flower to save humanity at all points between now and forever, and maybe have their first date? I’m tempted to try reading it backwards and in a mirror just to make sure I didn’t miss any more narrative levels.

* Bloodshot & H.A.R.D. Corps — The amnesiac mercenary with the nanobot-fueled healing power already had a pretty exciting first year on his own; after an eminently readable crossover with Harbinger (which worked out perfectly for me because I was already collecting both) his world changed with the addition of a backup team of last-chance unlikely heroes — one a homeless pothead, another born with Down’s syndrome but artificially accelerated, and still another representing what may be the first comics character with cystic fibrosis, particularly meaningful to me in the wake of an event previously recounted here. Props to co-writers Joshua Dysart (Harbinger) and Christos Gage (that Angel & Faith guy again) for unique casting and for keeping the Project Rising Spirit crazy train rambunctious and rollin’.

Honorable mentions — i.e., other series I was content to keep following: Astro City; Harbinger; Indestructible Hulk; Locke & Key: Omega; The Manhattan Projects; Swamp Thing; The Unwritten

New projects that have already brightened my 2014 so far: Manifest Destiny, Moon Knight; Ms. Marvel; Rocky and Bullwinkle; The Royals: Masters of War; She-Hulk; Silver Surfer

* * * * *

On the flip side, please allow this moment of silence for all those series that were tried but kicked off my shopping list in 2013, grouped according to the manner of their failure:

Canceled/ended: Batman Inc.; Dial H; Glory; Journey into Mystery; Young Avengers

Disappointing change in creative team: Ten Grand; Venom

Apathy onset: The Activity; Deadpool; Great Pacific; Green Hornet; The Green Team (I bailed out one issue before the end, unable to take any more)

Plot developments I couldn’t get behind: Iron Man (can NOT take any more Mandarin); Suicide Risk (having learned nothing from Hancock)

Covers I couldn’t leave lying around the house: Revival

Four bucks an issue for a three minute-read: Wolverine

See you next year! Possibly closer to on-time!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: photos from the fifth annual C2E2 convention in Chicago. In this final installment: what we did at C2E2 when we weren’t applauding cosplayers.

Our first act upon walking onto the show floor: approaching the giant whiteboards (markers were provided) and letting my wife Anne add a Jedi Snoopy to the walls that would collect fan art throughout the day.

Marvel Comics had the largest booth of all the publishers who were gracious enough to attend and validate the existence of us Midwest fans, unlike some publishers of Justice League or The Walking Dead that we could mention.

Dark Horse likewise still loves us and acknowledges our existence.

Dueling TARDIS exits, made possible by Alien Entertainment’s Doctor Who Store booth.

Another pride and joy of theirs: “Ironsides” from season five’s “Victory of the Daleks”.

Not every TARDIS is constructed with an equal budget, but the deep fan appreciation is always there.

Kosart Effects presents Frankenpig and other creations by J. Anthony Kosar, the season-four winner of Syfy’s Face Off.

A collection of cardboard Batman standees allowed attendees to pose with the Dark Knight of their choice, from Greg Capullo’s New 52 version to the Diedrich Bader lighthearted version from Batman: The Brave and the Bold.

HAIL HYDRA. Just because.

(Fun, unrelated trivia: anyone who walked up to the Loot Crate booth and said, “HAIL HYDRA!” got freebies. My wife was overjoyed with her Rubik’s Cube keychain.)

Special section #1: Famous personalities we met.

Best of Show: Saul Rubinek, best known to young folk as the star of Syfy’s Warehouse 13, but he’s one of those great character actors we’ve seen all over the place. My personal favorite would be his stint on Frasier. My wife was excited to have him autograph her copy of his book So Many Miracles, for which he interviewed his parents about how they survived the horrors of WWII Poland.

Natalie Tena has been most recently been recurring as Osha on Game of Thrones, but my wife and I still know her as Tonks from the Harry Potter series. At far right, GoT’s Kristian Nairn, a.k.a. HODOR!

When I heard the Ernie Hudson would be appearing as a guest, I never expected to get within 200 feet of him. For some reason, it was possible and stunningly undercharged compared to other actors’ pricing structures. We went for the photo op for three reasons: photo-op instead of autograph was a mere pittance of an upcharge; the photo-op line was being herded along much more quickly than the autograph line; and because he’s Winston Zedmore. Also, the warden from Oz, but I have yet to venture past season one.

Special section #2: the one panel we attended.

We skipped most panels this year and got caught up in other activities instead, but I cleared our schedule for one: “Geek Geek Revolution”, an informal trivia competition between authors Seth Fishman, Lydia Vang, Kevin Hearne, and Patrick Rothfuss. They were tasked with being the fastest to answer questions on assorted geek topics including but not limited to Star Wars, Back to the Future, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Blade Runner, Princess Bride, Diff’rent Strokes, The Dresden Files, Zombieland, comics, the Whedonverse, Westeros, Pern, Isaac Asimov, and more more more. But not Benedict Cumberbatch.

Your moderator: Hugo Award-winning novelist John Scalzi (Redshirts), whose “Whatever” blog I follow daily even though I’ve read none of his books. His stage presence was exactly as I imagined it would be. In a good way, I mean — this was no deathly grim Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? showdown, just five friends finding a unique way to hang out, fly their geek flags with pride, and entertain the heck out out of other geeks for an hour, even if I was a little disappointed that none of them could remember Hari Seldon or Detective Comics #27. Questions from the audience were another source of brow-furrowing, especially the one about Sailor Moon.

Lydia Vang won by a wide margin against the guys. One could argue she was aided by the signaling system that favored those who could raise their hands most quickly, thus putting anyone with stocky arms like mine at a disadvantage. My theory was undercut when thin-limbed Fishman came in dead last. Thus was bestowed upon him the dishonor of wearing a Jar-Jar mask for ten humiliating seconds.

Best comedy bit: Scalzi’s impression of Wallace Shawn. Runner-up: Hearne’s impression of Luke Skywalker, Tosche Station frequent shopper.

Special section #3: comics creators we met.

Gail Simone, whose awesome Secret Six was one of many DC Comics titles that I wish hadn’t been eliminated to make way for the New 52. Right now she’s steering the comic-book fates of Batgirl, Red Sonja, and the upcoming Tomb Raider relaunch. Her autograph line had to be capped at one point, but she was gracious enough to sign my Kickstartered copy of Leaving Megalopolis before she was swept away to her next round of appointments and devotees.

We met Charles Soule last year, but I noticed this time he had copies for sale of both volumes of his creator-owned music-thriller series 27, which we spoke about at last year’s music panel. In the past year he’s become an unstoppable writing machine for Marvel and DC, handling several books at each company, among which I count Swamp Thing and She-Hulk as monthly musts.

My wife currently follows just two kinds of comics each month: most things with Star Wars on them, and DC’s uproarious Batman ’66, written by Jeff Parker. Years ago his work on the “Marvel Adventures” line made an impression on my son, who’d had trouble finding any Marvel comics that were remotely penetrable to new readers. And you, too, can bring literacy to your family through the whimsy and wonder of Jeff Parker comics. Go buy all of them now.

Greg Pak is currently handling Superman as well as Valiant’s Eternal Warrior, but to me he’ll always be one of the guys who helped make Marvel’s Incredible Hercules a fantastic voyage while it lasted. This appearance was a great excuse to pick up his self-published Code Monkey Save World.

Writer/artist Scott McCullar (who’s had work published at DC) offered samples of his current work-in-progress, Thrill Seeker Comics.

I’ve seen the Bryan JL Glass’ name in various Big Two solicitations, but for some reason I hadn’t tried his work before. The co-creator of Mice Templar was also selling the first three issues of his current Dark Horse miniseries Furious, a dark, thought-provoking take on what super-heroics might look like if the average former Hollywood child star had an even harsher upbringing than the norm, a yen to atone for her sins, and super-powers that work best when she’s so mad she can’t see straight. It’s not a shiny-happy all-ages book, but it is a book starring a female super-hero who’s not drawn with deformed, barely covered mega-breasts.

* * * * *

…and that’s the Saturday that was. I’m already looking forward to next year’s, Lord willing.

Before we exited the show floor one last time, we stopped again at the giant whiteboards to see what works had been wrought by the community at large over the previous eight hours. What had been a blank slate had turned through innumerable efforts of collaboration and/or cross-purposes into a thing of unique, temporary awe.

Just like the field of comics itself, it took an amalgam of personalities and talents inbound from all possible directions geographical or demographic to add their ideas, creations, scribbles, improvements, defaming, elaborations, personal plugs, or plain ol’ stream-of-consciousness graffiti to the mix. The markers were free and available to one and all — no preapproval process, no applications, no mandatory training classes, no gatekeepers to judge, no one around to tell anyone “no”.

With so many shouting at once, it’s inevitable that some voices will get buried in the mix. Sometimes victory goes to those who shout the loudest. Sometimes it’s a matter of shouting better. Sometimes it’s a matter of not shouting at all.

Sometimes it just takes a firm vision and a steady voice to stand out among the cacophony, a discovery in waiting for those who know where and why to keep looking.

Okay, so what you want to show the world probably isn’t quite like poor, buried Jedi Snoopy up there.

Show us anyway.

Thanks for reading.

* * * * *

Other installments in this MCC miniseries:

Part 1: Costumes on the Show Floor, Comics Division
Part 2: Costumes on the Show Floor, Not-Comics Division
Part 3: the Costume Contest

We’ll see you at our next convention, then — May 31, 2014, at Indy Pop Con. Cheers!

That magical day is here once again! the thirteenth annual Free Comic Book Day is happening this Saturday, May 3rd, coinciding with the long-awaited U.S. theatrical release of Amazing Spider-Man 2. What better way to maximize your otherworldly weekend experience than to have your favorite media teaming up against the forces of illiteracy and doldrums?

For those just joining us: every year since 2002, the greatest American comic book shops participate in the hobby’s largest outreach effort to alert the world that comic books are a viable force for expression and entertainment, have plenty to offer, aren’t just for kids, aren’t just for lusty young-adult males, and aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.

The overriding message here, especially if you consider the wide assortment up for grabs this year:

Comics Are For Everyone.

To spread the message and the love, participating comic shops hand out free comics to any and all visitors, all specially published for the occasion by all the major companies and a vast army of companies that may be slightly less major, but their myriad voices and talents are just as vital to the field and worthy of your consideration.

The official FCBD site has the complete list of this year’s offerings, which include the likes of Archie, the Simpsons, Batman Beyond (sort of), Avatar: The Last Airbender, Hello Kitty, Adventure Time, Regular Show, Power Rangers, Spongebob Squarepants, GI Joe vs. Transformers, Disney ducks, Judge Dredd, Atomic Robo (the patron saint of FCBD in my book), Buck Rogers, a manga version of Les Miserables (yes, really, apparently), and America’s newest fixation, Marvel’s Rocket Raccoon. And, of course, more more more more MORE.

How it works:

Step 1: Find a comic shop in your area. The online Comic Shop Locator can help you if Google is being stubborn.

Step 2: Clear your Saturday morning schedule. Run your errands later in the day, quit your school sports team, and put away your entertainment gizmos because nothing important happens online on Saturday mornings anyway.

Step 3: Arrive before the shop opens. There will be a line. Try not to panic. We geeks are used to lines. The FCBD line should move briskly compared to a lot of convention horror stories we could tell you.

Step 4: When it’s your turn to enter the store, remain calm. If you have to squeal with giddiness, squeal under your breath.

Step 5: Observe the posted limits. Many shops limit how many free comics each person can take. Keep in mind there’s no rule against bringing extra persons, as long as they can behave in public and are willing to share theirs with you later.

Step 6: Maybe bring money and spend a few dollars on other cool stuff? Or many dollars on lots of other cool stuff?

Here’s the thing: comic shop owners bring these freebies to you entirely at their own expense, paying for all of them out of their own pocket. These free comics weren’t made possible by a federal grant or an off-season visit by Santa Claus. The large corporate publishers are not eating all the costs here. These are small business owners footing the entire bill for the books that their respective stores give away. For some, it ends up a loss. Overseas shops generally opt out of FCBD altogether because the air-freight shipping costs alone on so many zero-profit giveaways would end their business.

If you’re brand new to the medium and would like to go home and read your freebies first before making any firm commitments, I wouldn’t blame you. That’s what they’re there for. Try it, see if you like it. Hopefully you’ll find something that speaks to you, and I hope we’ll see you again soon.

If you’re a longtime collector and Wednesday new-comics-day regular, it’s a great time to grab your want list, or think of a series you’ve been meaning to try, or remember an original graphic novel you put off buying week-of-release, I encourage you to follow my lead and budget for it this very Saturday, as a generous thank-you to some of the folks who make our entire hobby possible. If your self-serving plan is to show up this Saturday, toss armloads of free stuff into a wheelbarrow, and walk out without donating to The Cause, by which I mean without buying anything…then you, my fellow geek, are doing it wrong.

Still on the fence about this whole FCBD thing? Why not take a word of advice from a much smarter man — LeVar Burton, host of TV’s Reading Rainbow? I shouldn’t have to list all his credits here; if you don’t know him, ask your parents who he is and watch their eyes widen with reverence. Then watch this video and rewrite your Saturday plans. See you at FCBD 2014!

Happy Free Comic Book Day! The thirteenth annual celebration of graphic storytelling narratives and/or floppy funnybooks was a rousing success, judging by the sights my wife and I saw at the three Indianapolis stores we visited. This year’s intent rightly wasn’t to reward the adults for sticking with the hobby through thick and thin. As you can tell by the above photo, including and entertaining today’s children was a major priority. Sure, many of them were based on beloved properties from other media, but those who looked carefully could find some original creations seeking their attention as well.

At our first stop, Downtown Comics North, a second table housed the not-necessarily-all-ages comics. Whatever your tastes or sensibilities, both tables had plenty to offer. We kept our wants modest and did not take one copy of everything. I have no justifiable need to hoard sixty new comics in one shopping trip. Many free comics, perhaps, but not five dozen. As you age and your home overflows with stuff and things, you’ll find that at some point “freebies” and “mandatory acquisition” cease to be synonyms.

I passed over items for a variety of reasons. I felt too guilty to take one of the Archaia hardcovers. The Valiant Comics sampler was just excerpts from upcoming comics which I already know whether or not I’ll be collecting. The Archie Digest was a generous serving of more Archie than I’ll ever need all at once. And I dismissed a few free titles that starred breasts, with women attached to them as an afterthought. All told, I picked up less than half the available books, but that still added up to a hefty reading pile.

Exactly as I planned, I purchased something at every store we visited. I picked up a few trades I’d been considering (this year’s focus: Miles Morales), I decided to try a few new series I hadn’t been following (Captain Marvel, Lumberjanes, Amazing Spider-Man), I caught up on the last three months’ worth of Deadpool, and I picked up the new issue of Furious (see previous capsule mention), which I’d missed on Wednesday.

(My one disappointment: three shops and not one of them had a single copy of Evan Dorkin’s Eltingville Club #1, which Dark Horse released April 23rd. My usual shop didn’t order it, didn’t recognize it, and refused to pay attention to me when I spelled the name for them. I’m guessing I’ll have to order a copy online and try not to grouse too bitterly about shipping costs or being ignored.)

The line was sizable by the time the doors opened at 11 a.m. but moved quickly. The folks from Indy Pop Con brought donuts, coffee, and free swag. Reps from the Indiana Toy and Comic Expo were handing out flyers and a few free tickets. Downtown Comics offered merchandise discounts and a Twitter-based prize drawing for which I still have my fingers crossed.

Special guest heroes and villains were on hand to usher fans inside, stand tall, and be awesome. Exhibit A: Hawkguy and Nightwing!

Representing for DC Comics before the New 52: Poison Ivy, Dawnstar from the Legion of Super-Heroes, and Firestorm the Nuclear Man.

Wonder Woman was in charge of determining which fans were worthy of entering and partaking of today’s featured literature.

WW’s teammates, Ms. Marvel and Veronica Lodge.

New arrival as we were leaving: hard-workin’ Harley Quinn.

Stop #2: Comic Carnival, our city’s oldest comics retailer, still plugging away after nearly four decades. We’re not in the vicinity very often, but I do like to check in from time to time. Their store is smaller in comparison but more tightly packed with literal wall-to-wall back issues as well as trades and new stuff.

On hand to welcome us: She-Ra! Yes, the renowned Princess of Power is much more accessible to her fans than that distant, standoffish He-Man, who probably hates reading. Forget that guy and I hope he never gets to be in a movie.

Stop #3: Downtown Comics West for our grand finale. Like their north-side counterpart they had a line before the doors opened, but the party was well inside by the time we arrived. Inside were many bedazzled children, eyes wide and hands grabby. My wife assured a few tiny doubters that yes, everything on the special table really was free; yes, they could take whatever they wanted; and okay, yeah, this strange free Marvel comic called Guardians of the Galaxy is gonna be a movie pretty soon, so eventually they’re gonna be somebody! They trusted her, looked up to her, and assumed she worked there because she’s awesome that way, and probably also because we were wearing the Free Comic Book Day 2014 T-shirts that Diamond Comic Distributors was giving away at their C2E2 booth last weekend.

Our hosts at this soiree: a Dalek of sorts, a different Wonder Woman, and Robin (pre-New 52 Tim Drake version).

Wonder Woman! Robin! Dalek!

Another nice touch: musical guests the Orchard Keepers regaling the crowd. The store’s relocation to the Ben Davis High School area a couple years ago has created more opportunities for community interaction, arts-based encouragement, and conveniently located trading-card tournaments.

In conclusion: literacy, heroism, representation, inclusiveness, adventure, community, and yeah, Someone Thinking of the Children. That was our fantabulous Free Comic Book Day 2014 here in the Circle City.

See you next year! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have way too much reading to do.

Even in the world of Avatar: the Last Airbender. some guys think they gotta dominate everything. Art by Faith Erin Hicks.

As previously recounted, my wife and I had a ball on Free Comic Book Day 2014 this past Saturday. Readers of multiple demographics, especially a heartening number of youngsters, flocked to our local stores and had the opportunity to enjoy samplers from all the major comic companies and dozens of indie publishers.

How did the finished works do? Did they present an enjoyable, self-contained experience? Were they welcoming to new readers? Did they adhere to the old adage that every comic is someone’s first?

Of the nearly five dozen items offered to retailers nationwide, my wife and I carried away twenty-five in all, in addition to numerous other items I purchased using money instead of good will. My favorites from my FCBD 2014 reading pile were the following:

Avatar: the Last Airbender/Itty Bitty Hellboy/Juice Squeezers (Dark Horse) — Most of this year’s FCBD books were samplers of two or more properties, all the better to increase reader exposure to as many potential new worlds as possible. Best of Show in my book was Avatar: the Last Airbender, with a ripped-from-the-headlines tale about exclusionary hobbyists and young girls who aren’t yet ready to face oppression alone. I’ve never seen the cartoon and should probably avoid the movie forever, but its third annual A-plus FCBD contribution makes me wonder if perhaps I should see if it’s on Netflix. Of the other two stories: Art Baltazar and Franco’s “Itty Bitty Hellboy” two-pager is fun Harvey Comics silliness; and David Lapham’s creator-owned “Juice Squeezers” deliver anti-bullying teen science revenge and might make a lively Nickelodeon TV show if they could afford giant CG ants.

Project Black Sky (Dark Horse) — I’ve avoided nearly all of Dark Horse’s recent super-hero revivals with one exception, Fred Van Lente’s Brain Boy, who costars here with the equally rebooted obscure hero known as Captain Midnight. The obnoxious young psychic and the time-displaced super-captain (sounds familiar, I know) are irritated buddy-heroes partnered against hyper-intelligent but non-verbal gorillas for whom letterer Nate Piekos rose to the challenge of finding a way to bring ASL to life in comics. Add in the textured art/colors of Michael Broussard and Dan Jackson, subtract one gratuitous “‘MURICA!” joke (the internet finds those a lot funnier than I do), and this may be the best Dark Horse super-hero comic I’ve ever read. (I was never a fan of their Comics’ Greatest World line, so…yeah.)

Hip Hop Family Tree Two-in-One (Fantagraphics) — This was a random pickup at one shop that I didn’t even realize was this year’s Fantagraphics FCBD contribution until hours later. Excerpts from the nonfiction series’ first volume by indie cartoonist Ed Piskor (American Splendor, Wizzywig) provide educational highlights from the history of rap music, from its early 1970s growing pains in NYC’s outer boroughs to slightly later, nonetheless major personalities like KRS-One and producer Rick Rubin just before the turn of the decade, all served up with an accurate comics/rap compare/contrast prologue, pretend-aged paper decay, and an homage to Marvel’s 1986 25th-anniversary cover motif. As a former white college boy who counted more than a few rap albums in his old cassette collection, a lot of this history is fascinating to me even though it’s been years since I last bought a rap album by someone besides the Beastie Boys. Might’ve been Cypress Hill, can’t remember offhand. Regardless, something like this belongs up on the shelf next to Larry Gonick’s Cartoon History of the Universe.

Maddy Kettle headlines this year’s Top Shelf Kids Club sampler. Art by Eric Orchard.

Top Shelf Kids Club 2014 (Top Shelf) — Two excerpts this year from upcoming books, neither of them being Owly for a change. The better of the two is Eric Orchard’s Maddy Kettle, about a young girl and her floating toad on a road trip to find the witch that turned her parents into rats. It’s dark and quirky and has goblins and young me would’ve loved to see more. The other half of the book is Rob Harrell’s Monster on the Hill, comedy-fantasy set in an 1867 England where each and every small town likes to be proud of the monster that terrorizes it. I laughed more than once, but whether or not it qualifies as “kids club” material depends on how your family feels about “bloody Hell” as an epithet choice. It would’ve given me pause in my son’s youth, but it’s your call.

Guardians of the Galaxy (Marvel) — Soon to be a major motion picture! An easy intro to the five cast members is written not as a set of dry dossiers, but as a welcome-to-the-team convo between Tony Stark and the newest Guardian, Corporal Flash Thompson, current handler of the alien bioweapon known as Venom. Brian Michael Bendis’ thorough but snappy dialogue decorates a perfunctory action demo that’s pretty much all incoming readers need if they want on board before the film’s August release. Also enclosed are several pages from the upcoming original graphic novel Thanos: the Infinity Revelation, in which writer/artist Jim Starlin returns to the character he personally turned into a major threat that you’ll be seeing in distant Avengers films over the next five years.

Hatter M, Vol. 1: Far from Wonder #1 (Automatic Pictures) — Like Hip Hop Family Tree Two-in-One it’s a reprint of a first issue I never saw, but it bore the FCBD insignia and it’s new to me. Reimaginings of Alice in Wonderland rarely score points with me (I shed zero tears for the recently canceled Once Upon a time in Wonderland), but for some reason I didn’t mind this one, in which the Mad Hatter is a royal bodyguard assigned to time-travel from Future Wonderland to 1859 Paris to seek his lost Queen Alyss. I snickered at this altered spelling before I dove into the book, a suitable excuse for Ben Templesmith to do stylized, creepy, Templesmithian things, which have grown on me more as I’ve aged. The preface makes sure newcomers are aware it’s Eisner-nominated material, which doesn’t surprise me because I regularly recognize or remember half the nominees in any given year. I can see how that happened here. The nominating, I mean, not the forgetting.

The all-new Transformers vs. G.I. Joe, apparently approved by a much more permissive Hasbro regime. Art by Tom Scioli.

Transformers vs. G.I. Joe (IDW Publishing) — The cover’s pink-and-purple color scheme forewarned me something was abnormal. If you know a fan of either toy line who’s ever discussed them while using the word “canon” in a sentence, this book may make them rend their garments. Godland artist Tom Scioli teams up with co-writer John Barber for a wanton display of madcap irreverence that has less in common with your childhood than it does with Jack Kirby’s Fourth World, Brandon Graham’s Prophet, and your parents’ favorite drugs. If you can’t handle the idea of a blond, chatty Snake-Eyes, you may not be prepared to open this. I’m fine with it, but I have occasional pop-culture iconoclasm issues, so mine might not be the example you’ll want to heed.

Spongebob Freestyle Funnies 2014 (United Plankton Pictures c/o Bongo Comics) — In which experienced funnybook technicians like Jacob Chabot, Gregg Schigiel, Sam Henderson, and Maris Wicks take turns with the world’s greatest sponge and his pal Patrick. Amusement abounds, but I super-liked Schigiel’s “Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy” short, which introduces the long-overdue Mermaid Girl. (Quoth a nervous Barnacle Boy to his mentor: “But I’m still your sidekick, right?”) If you’ve ever liked the cartoon, there’s not much wrong here.

Magic Wind (Epicenter Comics) — American translation of the Italian Magico Vento, a Western horror series that’s been running overseas since 1997. Your Old West hero is ex-military Ned Ellis, now a Sioux shaman who sees visions thanks to shrapnel in his brain. Our man teams up with a sober Edgar Allan Poe and squares off against hollerin’ killer Injuns, kindly Mormons, and what appears to be a colossal, belligerent crude-oil snake. Not for the faint of heart or those who can’t help wondering why we still have books with hollerin’ killer Injuns in them, but Joe R. Lansdale fans should get a kick out of this.

Atomic Robo’s AI systems aren’t so sharp at subtly changing the subject. Art by Scott Wegener.

Atomic Robo/Bodie Troll/Haunted (Red 5 Comics) — To me, Atomic Robo is the patron saint of Free Comic Book Day and an automatic pickup every time for good, whimsical action science adventure. Once again backing him up is trash-craving Bodie Troll, strictly giving kids a well-cartooned, subversive dose of garbage gags. If you find yourself guffawing at the idea of “stinky armpit roots” you’ve come to the right place. Also on hand is Haunted, represented only by a four-page chase scene that offers promising art but otherwise insufficient data to encourage further sampling.

Bongo Comics Free-for-All 2014 (Bongo) — Another year, another year’s-best compilation from the Simpsons Comics people. A tour of Mr. Burns’ underground catacombs, an Itchy & Scratchy send-up of Spy vs. Spy, a tribute to Steve Ditko’s Dr Strange, and a one-page Sergio Aragonés “Where’s Ralph?” puzzle were all funnier than tonight’s overhyped partially-Lego TV episode.

Skyward/Midnight Tiger (Action Lab) — I’ve raved here before about Jeremy Dale’s creator-owned fantasy Skyward and was looking forward to this special. Unfortunately this is a flashback that means more if you’re caught up on the series, and I’ve bought but not yet had a chance to read Volume 2, so my gratification is suspended pending further reading progress. Batting second is Midnight Tiger, a black teen hero strip with occasionally awkward art, some inspired touches (I love the idea of a phone app that helps commuters avoid superhuman fights), a couple of cheesy in-jokes (police code for superhuman fights is a “616″), and an origin-story climax that’s either rushed or missing pages. I do see promise and groundwork being laid for the months ahead, particularly in the opening debate over the average-Joe viewpoint that isn’t impressed by heroes who routinely save Earth as a whole but never take the time to investigate the plight of individual neighborhoods.

To be continued!